When you know not what to write!

You say you haven't written for a while,
you take a pen and paper.
This time you begin with the story of the Nile;
But then you switch to vapour!
Again you stop, and move to the window
to write about its panes.
But you feel so odd, and shift to Lindow;
and start describing its lanes.
Again the paper is thrown to the bin;
crumbled like a pie.
Then you leave the chair with a grin,
to let your craving pass by.

My cocaine

It's you that intoxicate my veins
when I lay lost in the cradle of darkness.
Your breath is what I feel on my lips;
trembling for a touch of your warmth.

In your embrace shall I give up my life;
It's you that keep me addicted.
I crave for your scent, your sweat, your zeal.
You are my passion, my obsession, my all.

You are my cocaine,
My everlasting love..

I'm Afraid of the Light..Not the Dark.

I glued my eyes out of the window,
counting the countless raindrops
that perished, touching the thirsty ground.
The darkness of the night gone by, was replaced
by the illusion of distressing fluorescence.
This very light pierced through my eyes, it ripped my heart off.

The language of tears was forgotten;
I no longer knew to cry.
It made me wild; this very luminiscense.
I was always afraid of the light.
I wished it was night again;
my moaning was no longer a sign of distress, then!

I smelt of blood..

Admist the shattered roads of destiny,
I stood not knowing where to head.
The pages of my life had fluttered
as if by the winds that roared
ruthlessly at the dark ways I decided to take..

It was remorse that I saw, I heard and I tasted;
I was trapped within the walls of regret
that grew closer, each passing minute.
I was being crushed, I know;
for how I had decided my past to be.

Drought had taken over me,
I felt dry, I smelt the blood
of anguish cover me red.
I was battered by my own conscience;
My limbs were knotted, I felt immobile.

The elixir of my life evaporated
with the sweat I shed.
The walls came nearer,
the sword of suffocation slit my throat.
I smelt of blood, and the fragrance wouldn't fade..

When LOVE turns to HATRED...

When I say 'Love', it may not necessarily take up the usual and prejudiced version of romance. It can mean any other kind of love, in general. But then, the intensity of this so-called feeling depends upon the closeness u share with the other person/thing. Now let me talk about the love you have towards persons, keeping aside romance.

You start loving some people without any reason. Even when you don't get enough attention or care from the other person because of the kind they are, you still don't matter clinging onto them giving them all the love you have. But then slowly you realize that they too care for you in their own way. They tell you everything that happens in their lives, shares with you all their private secrets, have fun with you, talks about you to their friends, and blabla.. This person, for example, can be a cousin or a sister or whomsoever. This particular sister would want you to be with her during all the preparations for her wedding, including the bride-costume selection, the beauty parlor-trips, all the grooming sessions, to click millions of her pictures and send it to her fiance and what not! You stand by her side as her bridesmaid on her wedding day, keep checking if her make-up has faded, recheck if her hair is still in place, keep giving her touch-ups and carefully arrange all the gifts she received that anybody who comes for the wedding mistakes you as the bride's own sister. And then finally when she leaves to her in-laws' with all the emotional dramas of a typical Indian wedding, u weep the hell out. You feel happy and lost at the same time.

 Days pass and this sister of yours calls you one fine morning with the happy news of making you an aunt. You jump with joy, you start searching for baby names on Google, u begin dreaming how your niece/nephew would look, you become completely restless!

Days pass again and suddenly out of the blue, this very sister stops talking to you for reasons known or unknown. This sister who was once your world leaves you behind, stops talking to you, makes you feel completely lost. This person who never failed to call you at least once every two days stops attending your calls and doesn't text you back. Instead, she forwards the messages you send her to her so-called best friends and mocks you to the core. But then you still wait with the anticipation that things are going to be fine very soon. You stupidly wait looking at the sky, expecting the Sun to rise from the West!

You shamelessly keep sending her messages telling how much you love her, how much you miss her, all adding to the degradation of yourself. And then finally you realise- things can nomore be the same. Everything is lost. You too have started hating the person who hates you...but still you miss the lost past..

I am so me!

It's been over a month since I posted my first blog, off course, with the anticipation of showing up at least once every week. But I have once again proved the audacity of my uselessness in one more field- blogging! Day by day, i keep realizing that the number of things beyond the 'do-able' capacity of Shamna Hameed are a hell lot. People say that God created every person with a purpose in mind, but maybe he missed me out! Because even after 19 years of my mere existence, I find myself groping for that 'special' reason for my existence, but in vain! But that doesn't mean that I regret being useless. This is a part of me- of how I should be. This is my identity, this is how I  simply am! I am not a person who is supposed to live life by a time table, who does things on time, who is mechanized like a machine. Even the thought of being regular and systemalic makes me feel dizzy. My friends who are the part and parcel of my life expect me to be this way- stupid, restless and silly! So this is what I am, and I would love to remain the same..so me! :)

ആദ്യ ബ്ലോഗിങ്ങ് അനുഭവം

എല്ലാരും പറയുന്നു സ്വന്തം പേരില്‍ ഒരു ബ്ലോഗ്‌ ഇല്ലാതെ 21 -ആം നൂറ്റാണ്ടില്‍ ജീവിക്കാന്‍ ഇത്തിരി നാണമൊക്കെ വേണംന്ന് . മനുഷ്യന്റെ കഥയല്ലേ, എപ്പോഴും ഉള്ളില്‍ അടക്കിപ്പിടിക്കുന്ന വികാരങ്ങളും വീക്ഷണങ്ങളും ആരെയും പേടിക്കാതെ എഴുതാം എന്ന് വെച്ചാല്‍ ചെറിയ കാര്യമൊന്നുമല്ലല്ലോ. സാഹിത്യത്തില്‍ എടുത്തുപറയത്തക്ക കഴിവുകളില്ലാത്ത എന്നെ പോലത്തെ പാവങ്ങള്‍ക്കും വായില്‍ തോന്നുന്നതൊക്കെ എഴുതാമെന്നതും ഒരു ഗുണം. അങ്ങനെ എപ്പോഴും എഴുതുമെന്നോ അടക്കിപ്പിടിച്ച ഉള്‍കാഴ്ച്ചകളും ചിന്തകളെയും തുറന്നടിച് എഴുതുമെന്നോ ഒരു ഗ്യാരണ്ടി ഇല്ലാതെ ഞാന്‍ എന്റെ ബ്ലോഗിങ്ങ് യാത്ര തുടങ്ങുകയായി.